How to Explain Intrusive Thoughts to Your Kids

How to Explain Intrusive Thoughts to Your Kids

Almost everyone gets them, but no one likes to talk about it: Intrusive Thoughts. It can be a challenging thing to talk to your kids about intrusive thoughts; after all, there can be such a range of what is considered normal and what isn’t. (Read: How to Stop Being an Irritated Mom.)

Those fleeting unwanted thoughts may appear in anyone’s mind; however, in children, they typically begin between the ages of 8 and 12. If your child comes to you and tells you that they are struggling with having thoughts they don’t want, you may be wondering how to explain intrusive thoughts to your kids.

What are Intrusive Thoughts?

The first step is to understand intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are different than the typical worries of childhood. However, intrusive thoughts and anxiety can go hand in hand. (If you are wondering what other symptoms signs of anxiety in children may be, read here) Everyday worries typically have a shelf life, and then they disappear.

However, an intrusive thought is a troubling thought or a mental illness that randomly pops up in someone’s mind.

Intrusive thoughts can be scary, especially for kids, and if it’s about dark or violent topics. They are called intrusive thoughts because they are unwanted (much like a person who breaks into our house.)

These thoughts come out of no one and may return over and over. Additionally, they aren’t everyday thoughts a child has, which typically upsets the child.

Sometimes, a child may have difficulty expressing these thoughts because they seem out of character (not something they typically think about). It may be embarrassing to them, or they may feel like something is wrong with them.

However, if your child does come with you and confess these intrusive thoughts, it’s important to remember that it can be normal!

What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?

Have you ever been scrolling through reels and come across one that describes intrusive thoughts? For example, thoughts about falling down the steps with a baby in your arms, putting your hand on a hot stove, or jumping off a cliff randomly. While these reels are entertaining, these scenarios paint an authentic picture of the types of intrusive thoughts that people may have.

We would never purposely do these things, but these thoughts pop up anyway. Kids can experience the same thing. They can be completely normal, and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong.

Intrusive thoughts are not always a sign of a mental illness, so if you see that your child can shrug the thoughts off and move about their day, this is a good sign. Also, if you notice these thoughts are far too few, it’s okay to monitor your child’s thoughts (keep a mental or actual note of their intrusive thoughts.)

What if Intrusive Thoughts are a Sign of Something Deeper?

While intrusive thoughts can be completely normal, some mental disorders can cause intrusive thoughts. These mental disorders are:

• Anxiety: intrusive thoughts may show up as worries and what-ifs that refuse to leave your child’s brain.
• OCD: with this disorder, kids will have repeated worries and mental images that may scare them. They will feel like they must do something to control their thoughts and make these worries disappear. (Such as repeatedly washing their hands to prevent a deadly illness.)
• PTSD: Post-traumatic stress disorder appears when someone has survived a traumatic event that was dangerous, triggering, or scary. Kids may relive these events through mental flashbacks and memories. These thoughts may pop up out of the blue and can be very intense.

Examples of Intrusive Thoughts

While intrusive thoughts can be several different types, with children, they are usually one of these three categories.

These categories are:

Flashbacks

Intrusive thoughts that are flashbacks can occur in children who have PTSD and can show up randomly. These thoughts may include reliving the trauma experiences, hearing something that takes them back to the trauma event or seeing an image in their mind over and over again.

Worries

Worry intrusive thoughts can be expected and can also be associated with anxiety or OCD. These worry thoughts are often complex to get rid of, and maybe like,

• “What if mom gets in a car wreck if she leaves the house?”
• “What if I accidentally hurt my friend’s feelings, and she never forgives me?”
• A tornado is going to appear out of nowhere and suck me up.”

“Inappropriate” thoughts

Another form of intrusive thoughts is what a child will call “inappropriate” thoughts. These thoughts will appear out of nowhere and feel wrong to the child. Often, they may involve being violent, sexual, or illegal in nature.

These random thoughts can make a child feel like something is wrong with them and cause shame. Examples of these thoughts can include:

• Picturing someone naked
• Thinking about someone getting hurt or hurting someone
• Imagining themselves lying and stealing

While these aren’t the only inappropriate thoughts a child may have, typically, they are thoughts that a child would morally believe are wrong or shameful.

What to do if Your Child is Having Intrusive Thoughts

It’s important to remember that intrusive thoughts can be normal!

They can be annoying and often disturbing, but it is possible to move past them. If your child confesses to having intrusive thoughts, the first thing to do is to encourage your child.

Don’t shame them if they confess to an inappropriate thought. Reinforce that those thoughts are not from the child but random thoughts that pop into almost everyone’s thoughts.

Comfort them by letting them know that it’s possible to get reasonable control of intrusive thoughts.

How to Help a Child Who Has Intrusive Thoughts

If your child comes to you and confesses that they are having intrusive thoughts, your first step is to determine how often these thoughts are happening.

If intrusive thoughts happen only occasionally, offering your child encouragement and giving them a good sense of what intrusive thoughts are can be what they need.

When reassuring your child about intrusive thoughts, remind them that thoughts occur daily and cannot cause harm. When a child knows this, it becomes easier not to worry about every little intrusive thought.

If your child is showing signs that intrusive thoughts may be more than just an occasional occurrence or that their thoughts are disrupting their daily life, you can take a few steps.

The first thing to do is schedule an appointment with your child’s pediatrician. At this appointment, your child’s doctor can provide more education, assess your child, and suggest what they think the following steps should be. They will also be able to help if your child is having thoughts of suicide, hurting themselves, or hurting someone else.

Additionally, different types of therapy can help a child. These may include play therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and talking to a therapist.

If your child is concerned about intrusive thoughts, rest assured: You can help them understand what they are, why they occur, and how to avoid letting them take root in their minds. (Read: How to Calm Down a Toddler Tantrum.)